I've come to terms that it's most likely that I'm not going to be able to ever ever get over the loss of my little one. I'm not coping. I can't cope and I think it's about time I look into getting some professional help which will most likely not going to help at all. They never do. I'm just constantly grieving, never happy and when I'm smiling it's always in the back of my mind. I'd love to be a mum and I just feel that my chance was taken off of me within a second. It's heartbreaking watch my next door neighbour go through with a healthy pregnancy with her first and she would of been due around the time I would. I wish her all the best with her pregnancy. I just want my chance to be a mum again.
I don't want to keep on waking up at ten past 5 in the morning and not being able to sleep and then to be too tired to spend better time with Elliott because I'm always so tired. I just don't know what to do with myself anymore. I'm so weak and tired emotionally and physically from grieving. I just want to be happy again. I'm so so sad and I can't even explain what it feels like to lose your own child and not be able to help save them.